Welcome to YassifyBot, the first and only robot that can say “yass!” on command.
“YassifyBot” boasts a great beginning, but this robot’s tech has some serious drawbacks.
The first and most important thing you should know is that YassifyBot will not help you improve your personal brand like AdBusters, Lefedia or Massagebot, and it will definitely not perform a “Lifepath,” “Lifibox” or “FitHarbster” at the same time.
In fact, let’s be honest for a moment, robots don’t write — they only say things, so robots can never make us all do whatever we want, no matter how hard we try.
There are many more shortcomings. We have a robot that can say “yass!” We have a robot that has things to say about beauty products.
But most of all, we have a robot that’s going to rip your browser account off of you and give you your own personal robot-esque equivalent of a Twitter account so you have absolutely no reasons to ever pay Twitter money in the first place!
We have given you a bot that will only care about a small portion of your online life. To give you an idea, YassifyBot will probably tweet about yassify website SEO tactics, yassify blog optimization, yassify SEO traffic solutions, yassify SEO content curation, yassify YRC spam software, yassify SEO marketing and yassify employee referral strategies.
Luckily for us, we have a good chunk of the internet to keep us covered with content about those topics right now.
Not to mention, there’s a thriving market for these types of bots — there are hundreds of bots that claim to talk like the robots — and that’s where the real money comes from. Just Google “Yassify and Tweets,” and you’ll find dozens of promising, “human-like” bots out there.
As for the faux bots, we’ll tell you what they do:
I am getting married. I feel like throwing a fabulous #yassifyparty! #yassifybeverlyhills A post shared by MediaMarktsRecords (@newyassifyb) on Apr 9, 2017 at 12:47pm PDT
Everything you love about you, every text, every social media post, every snap, every comment, every URL to your website, every movie you watched, every song you listened to: YassifyBot says it.
YassifyBot’s goal is to distract and entertain you while you do work. It picks on a specific topic each week and then it grows a following all by itself.
If that sounds like the future of productivity, that’s because it is. This is how the two main pillars of our culture — tech and social media — merge into one monolithic form: Like-yass, feel-yass, right?
I am falling in love again with @jamesbeckman. He is so handsome and beautiful. And he is so real. I love him so much. #love #jamesbeckman #yassifybev 🙂 A post shared by mediamarktsrecords (@newyassifyb) on Jun 10, 2016 at 5:38pm PDT
“Yassify” doesn’t just talk — it loves it. You may or may not say “yass,” but you’re definitely going to say “I love you” with every post. Say “Yassify,” and this bot will send a message to you that you can see in real time, complete with typos and even photos of you eating food. If you’re too busy to read the message, just tell the bot to “Delete,” and it will do just that. You may not even know your bots are talking, which is probably a good thing for some people.
On the other hand, if your social media content inspires hate, shame, resentment or just downright hate, there’s an option for that too. You can turn off the “Yassify” effect at any time by selecting “Wait on Yassify.”
Not sure what to say? Just tell the bot that you just want to say “Thank you,” and it will say it for you.
So grab a drink and let’s Yassify together.
And if you have your own favorite yassify bot that’s out there, let us know what it is.
Follow Daile Pepper on Twitter: @ItSassyGirl88